This is a countertop machine for assembling one breakfast sandwich with suspicious ceremony. I mock it, then picture Tuesday becoming edible.
A sloth that clings to your mug while your tea steeps. It is beverage patience cosplay, and I regret how peaceful that sounds.
This is a dedicated banana guillotine for people who apparently reached their limit with knives. Absurd, yes, but my cereal does look under-managed.
This is a tiny claw for performing surgery on strawberries. Ridiculous drawer behavior, except it does make the messy part feel handled.
A furious little figure that steams inside your microwave. It is judgment in a dress, and yes, the splatter situation has become personal.